


A Shallow Pond

by Goldenseal



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Action, Adventure, Canon Divergent, Cliffhangers, F/M, Humour, Hydra, Mystery, OFC-centric, Original Characters - Freeform, PTSD, Pre-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Rating may go up, Reference to marijuana, Slow Burn, Strong Language, Tags will be added, like a lot of f-bombs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-11
Updated: 2017-01-10
Packaged: 2018-05-26 02:31:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 21,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6220183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Goldenseal/pseuds/Goldenseal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On the surface, Penelope Green is just your average millennial.<br/>Besides a tragedy that took her parents years ago, Penny doesn't have much to bring her down. She has a great apartment (shared with two roommates), her job is an excellent stepping stone to her future career, and she lives in New York City!<br/>Her life is pretty normal... Right up until the week comes when she gets kicked out of her apartment, sees a friend murdered in cold blood, and meets a terrifying man with a metal arm who seems to be her only hope of escaping the horror show she's fallen into, alive.<br/>Well, her mother had always told her that life usually got the most interesting when you're least expecting it... <em>Guess it's time to learn to roll with the punches.<em></em></em></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Penelope Greene settled onto her yoga mat with a sigh. The heat of the room, the sweat sliding across her skin, and the shuffling of her classmates were all background stimuli- barely even registering as she focused on the flow of her breath. Her muscles quivered and released, melting into a state of pure relaxation. She had fallen asleep meditating in class like this before, but today her mind buzzed with energy. All her troubles had fallen away during her practice and she felt the lightness of spirit that she had desperately needed. The instructor had spoken at the start of class of mindfulness, of giving to the world what you wished to receive in return, and Penny felt deeply connected to that thought. She had meditated on compassion that day, for herself and the people in her life.

_This is how I should start every day_ , she thought as she rolled up her mat and headed to the showers. As she went about her routine her thoughts slowly drifted to the minutiae of the day ahead. _Where should I go for lunch? I really should have packed a lunch, why didn't I do that? Oh right, I spent an hour in bed with my laptop instead of making something to eat. Lazy. Stupid. Ugh! Stop. Be kind to yourself. Be kind. I'll just stop at the bodega near work and get something. Mmm, I like their sandwiches, but they're like 9 bucks. A cup-o-soup would be cheaper..._

There was another reason she had avoided the kitchen that morning. One of her roommates, Estelle, had been puttering around in there. Things had been tense with Estelle for several weeks and Penny had settled comfortably into full-on avoidance mode, choosing to steer clear of confrontation simply by vacating any place Estelle might deign to be. Their other roommate insisted he wanted no part in the fight and had become overly friendly to both girls whenever he saw them. It was an awkward situation all round, but Penny couldn't see moving as an option. In that location, at that price point? She would be crazy to even begin to try to find something comparable. The apartment was rent controlled. The apartment was the reason she could afford her yoga membership. She would never leave. She would wait for Estelle to leave. She hoped she didn't have to wait long. _Be kind, Penny, be kind._

 

• •

 

Penny didn't go about her day as usual. She put a little extra care into her hair and makeup after showering, so despite being first up and out of the room after class she was the last to leave the studio. She felt her heartbeat quicken slightly as she thought of what was awaiting her at work. Tom, her dream guy, the love of her life, her future husband(fingers crossed), was going to be coming in that day.

Tom was a young, recently divorced(!!!) production assistant who mainly worked on off-Broadway plays. As an assistant at one of the biggest costume warehouses in New York, Penny met a lot of industry professionals, but Tom was by far her favourite. His smoky eyes, olive skin, and dark, tousled hair had her weak in the knees and a little tongue tied whenever he appeared. She usually got used to his perfect dimples, perfect eyebrows, and perfect scruff within the first five minutes of their meetings, if only because she consciously forced herself to listen to his words and not just stare dreamily into his eyes.

The first few hours of work went fairly slowly. Penny spent the morning collecting costumes for Tom's 1940s period piece. The director had included specific notes on colour and personality for each character so it was a fun challenge for her to find just the right pieces for the play. She liked seeing a look come together on stage.

"Hey, Pen!"

Penny's sharpie squeaked across the tag she was marking as she jerked in surprise. Thankfully the marker stopped just short of the lacy white dress the tag was resting on. _Note to self, write out the tags before putting them on the hangers!_

"Sorry, Pen, I didn't mean to scare you!" He handed her a coffee, one of their weekly rituals. The eager expression on Jack's face melted her adrenaline rush-induced ire and she blew out a puff of breath to diffuse her anxiety.

"it's ok, Jack, just wait until I get you back." She smirked and continued to tag each item with its corresponding character name. They had both been working in the warehouse for about three years, and had grown close over time. Their easy comeraderie had opened the door to a mild prank war. It mostly included sneaking up on each other and messing with each other's workspaces in some way. Penny often returned to the desk she had been working at to find her chair upside down on the table, or all the clothes she had been working with turned inside out. It passed the time when things got tedious at the warehouse, but today things were not tedious. She had too much going on to deal with 'heart attack jack'.

Today was the day she would ask Tom out for a drink. She had it all planned out- she would forget an important costume piece in the back. She knew Tom loved walking through the narrow rows of clothing, some two stories high. He had once told her it reminded him of a labyrinth he had visited as a child. So she would ask if he wanted to join her, and in the privacy and quiet of those close quarters, she would put a hand on his arm and just say it.

_Wanna get a drink later? Would you be into getting a drink with me? I was gonna head to that place down the street if you wanna join me later? I need a drink, how about you? Ugh, easier thought than done!_

"I just came by to let you know that Talia wants to see you." Jack said, interrupting her train of thought.

"Oh really? What about?" Talia had the tendency of spoiling all of Penny's best-laid plans.

"No idea. I don't even know why I had to walk the message over here. She could have just called you."

Penny glanced guiltily at the phone she had put on mute. The red message light blinked accusingly.

"I'd better go see what she wants-"

"Penelope!" Talia's voice came booming from behind Jack. "What's taking you so long? Didn't Jack give you the message? Why did I have to walk over here?"

Penny cringed. "Sorry, Talia, I was about to come to you office."

"I called you twice and no answer, is your phone broken?"

"No, sorry, I just had it on mute. I was in the zone." She didn't look impressed, but glanced over the clothes Penny had been assembling without comment.

"You missed two calls from Tom as well."

Penny's heart dropped. "is everything ok? I didn't mean to-"

"He's still coming in this afternoon but one of the models can't make it. You'll have to model all the 'Sophie' looks you've pulled for him. I'll be taking over the appointment so you can do that."

Talia peered knowingly over the rim of her glasses and pursed her lips.

"Ahhh, ok." Penny replied, trying not to let her surprised annoyance show. This turn of events would seriously limit her one-on-one time with Tom. Like, to none. "I'll be ready."

_And I almost left the most important 'Sophie' look back in the warehouse. On purpose! I'm a bad person. That could have been bad._

Penny hustled to get the rest of the costumes ready before her lunch break. If she had to be a model she was going to be the best damn model Tom had ever seen, and that meant she had to get ready.

 

• •

 

Lunch Interlude

Her usual bodega was closed but she made do with a loaded tofu dog from a street vendor. If there was anything worse than a closed bodega it was a hot dog vendor with no veggie options. She sat in a small courtyard across from the costume warehouse. Penny took herself through her senses as she ate, actively meditating. The sky was mostly clear, with only a few clouds. She closed her eyes. There was a cool breeze ruffling through her hair. The rough-hewn concrete bench under her was hot from the sun. She could hear two people arguing, cars, sirens in the distance. She could taste onions, pickles, other essential condiments. She could smell- well, it's probably best not to breathe too deeply through your nose in New York, anyway. She heard the clatter of stones and her eyes shot open as she stared up at the roof of the warehouse. A black shape flitted back from the edge. A crow, probably. She stared at the same spot for a long moment before deliberately closing her eyes and re-centring herself on her breath, reciting a mantra she had made up years ago.

_In-2-3-4, I am beautiful, out-2-3-4, I am powerful. In-2-3-4, I am Intelligent, out-2-3-4, I am worthy of love._

 

• •

 

There was no way Penny was going to attempt victory curls. She wanted to look sexy but classy, and floppy curls would just be so try-hard. 'Sophie' was a sophisticated French woman who wore a lot of soft fabrics in faun and tan shades. Penny simply pinned her hair up in a chic little bun and applied her cherry red lipstick. A little wing-tip with her black eyeliner and she was smouldering in the mirror, imagining looking at Tom the way she was looking at herself.

The time came to line up and she was led out with the other models. She saw Tom and Talia sitting with the costumer at a long table, heads bent together. She tried to catch Tom's eye, but he barely glanced her way, too engrossed in discussion.

_Did he even see me? Why didn't he even look at me? Should I cough to get his attention? Ugh that's so desperate. God, I'm embarrassed I even put on lipstick. Could I be any more pathetic? Like, what was I thinking? He's so hot. This hot guy gets divorced and just cause he's available he's obligated to find me attractive? Am I even attractive? Do I just look like some cheap imitation next to all these actual models? I look nothing like these people. Fuck. There's no way he'd ever be interested in me._

Despite Penny's internal humiliation, the showing went very smoothly. Her last costume was a daring off-the-shoulder cocktail dress in midnight blue. It was impractical in the best sense of the word. Completely form fitting, the construction of the dress was such that her breasts were pushed high on her chest, almost spilling out of her top at any wrong move. Penny couldn't see how it could possibly be practical for a stage show. She hadn't pulled it strictly for the show, though. A thrill shot through her and she stopped caring about how hard it was to move her legs in the tight skirt. Tom's eyes were absolutely glued to her. Her triumph was to be short-lived, however. Just as Tom was staring directly into her eyes and opening his mouth to speak, a small explosion rocked the building.

A few people screamed, the hanging lights shuddered and went out, and fear overtook the room. Talia immediately took charge.

"Penelope, go and look, it's probably the fuse box. You know how to fix it. Everyone, relax, this is an old building with a lot of personality. Tom, Shelagh, would you like to sit in my office? You might be more comfortable waiting there."

Penny turned to leave, obviously dismissed. She didn't think it had sounded like a fuse breaking, and she really didn't want to go check it out alone, but she did as she was told. Out in the dark hall the air was noticeably colder, and the skin exposed by her low-backed dress began to pebble. She crossed her arms and walked as quickly as she could. The combination of her pumps and the dress made walking a challenge, hips forced to sway dramatically if she wanted to work up any speed. She passed Jack's desk in the warehouse, hoping he would join her in her quest, but he was nowhere to be seen. she opened the utility room door and peered inside.

There was no light, and no window. She briefly cursed having left her phone in her purse when she was changing before setting about to find something to prop the door open. Chair placed firmly in front of the door, Penny went straight to the corner of the room that housed the fuse box. She checked every switch. None had flipped. Heart in her throat, and feeling something was very wrong, she spun around- someone was at the door. She shrieked and stumbled back, only to hear laughter.

"What's gotten into you today? What are you doing back here?" Jack laughed from the doorway. "And should I shut you in?" He toyed impishly with the chair holding the door open. They both knew it locked from the outside, with no way to open from the inside. Penny had once locked Jack in for a few minutes, it would be only fair if he returned the favour. He pulled the chair away from the door, a smile on his face, allowing the door to slowly swing shut.

"Jack no!" The shout was half playful laughter, half genuine fear. Penny had been truly rattled by the explosion and power outage. She ran toward the door, but her foot caught on something in the dark and she tumbled to the concrete floor. Jack's expression morphed into one of concern and he reached out as if to hold the door open. A sharp bang sounded in the warehouse and his expression froze, eyes clouding over. Penny watched in horror as Jack began to fall backward, shot. The door clanged shut before he hit the ground.


	2. Chapter 2

Shaking, Penny shuffled back to the farthest corner of the room, scuffing her dress and shoes in such a way that would horrify her in any other moment. Unfortunately the scope of horror in Penny's life had just widened dramatically.

Her thoughts raced. _Who did that. Someone shot Jack. Is Jack dead? Oh god. What am I going to do. Do they know I'm in here? What are they going to do to me? Are they going to shoot me? How am I going to get out of here. I'm locked in here! How am I going to get out of here?! Oh god oh god oh god ok ok ok ok ok ok ok just breathe now, just breathe now..._

She hugged her knees to her chest and tried to focus her breath. In some ways knowing she was close to hyperventilating only made her panic increase, so she had to get her mind off of it.

_There is nothing I can do, there is nothing I can do, there is nothing I can do._

Eventually the panic subsided and gave way to numbness. Whatever lay beyond that utility door was completely out of her control. Two fat tears rolled down her cheeks. Something terrible must be happening out there. She hoped Talia, Tom and the others had left the building. She hoped the police had been called. She desperately hoped whoever had shot Jack did not open the utility room door.

She didn't know if it had been minutes or hours, but when the door finally did open, she gasped in shock.

"Talia! Are you alright? What happened to Jack?" Penny stumbled over her words as she dragged herself out from under the table where she had been cowering. She quickly wiped the tears from her cheeks as Talia reached over to flick the light switch. Apparently the power was back on. "How did the power come back on?"

"What do you mean? We thought you fixed it. Jack left twenty minutes ago, he had a doctor's appointment today." Talia regarded Penny oddly. "Why were you under that table in the dark?"

Penny reeled. Was it all a prank? Would Jack deliberately let her think he was dead and shut her in the utility room and leave for the day? It seemed too cruel, a clear escalation from the silly things they did to each other on a daily basis. She ran to the doorway, certain she would see fresh blood on the floor, but it was clean.

"Jack likes to play little jokes on me but this time he went too far." She said honestly.

At that Talia smiled. "Sounds like the tag line of a bad horror film. Better not let Tom hear you talk like that. I hear he's allergic to cheese."

Penny personally thought Talia's line was much cheesier than her own, but held her tongue.

 

• •

 

Not even the allure of handsome Tom speaking to her at the end of the meeting could get Penny out of her funk. She grumped home without noticing her surroundings, stewing. She had texted Jack as soon as she had a spare minute at work.

>hey, what the hell? that was really mean. You took it too far

When she hadn't heard a response by the time she got home some hours later, she promised herself she would confront him the next day. 

Walking in the door Penny smelled something amazing, and a bit of tension inside of her unclenched a little.

"What's that I smell? That wouldn't be my favourite roomie making my absolute favourite food would it?" She kicked off her boots, threw her coat across the back of the couch and stuck her head into the kitchen, all smiles for her roommate Vaughn. Her smile froze when she saw Estelle sitting with a guilty looking Vaughn. There was an empty pan between them.

"Oops." Estelle quipped. "It's my favourite too."

It took everything in Penny to just turn away and head toward her room. She didn't have it in her to deal with Estelle's passive-aggressive bullshit in that moment.

"Penny, wait! Come back!" Vaughn ran after Penny and caught her by the arm. "We all need to talk."

"Oh." She tried to quell the exhausted flood of fear that welled up inside her. She didn't think she could handle anymore bad news or surprises. "Can it wait? It's been a really weird day."

"We've been trying to catch up with you for the last week. Come on, it won't take long." He slung his arm over Penny's shoulder and dragged her back into the kitchen. 

Estelle looked smug at her spot on the kitchen stool. Vaughn pulled a plate out from the fridge and handed it to Penny. It was the same carrot cake they had polished off. 

"I saved a piece for you." Vaughn said.

A teeny piece of Penny's resolve thawed. _Whatever Vaughn has to say can't be all bad. He saved me a piece of cake for god's sake. He's not a monster. Neither is Estelle._

They three of them sat awkwardly at the counter. Penny dug into her cake while waiting to hear what they had to say, but the silence lasted too long.

"So..." She prompted.

"Listen, Penny, you have to know I love you like a little sister and I would never do anything to hurt you... And I'll be happy to help you, whatever you need! You only have to ask! It's just that... I mean... The thing is..."

"We're dating!" Estelle exclaimed joyfully, interrupting Vaughn's slow exposition.

"Oh." Her world tilted on its axis a little. Maybe it was selfish but she always thought Vaughn was a little more on her side than Estelle's. She straightened out the axis in her mind and stood from her stool, picking up the cake plate in one hand. "Congratulations. I'm going to bed now." 

"Wait, Pen." Vaughn looked pale, despite his dark skin. He, like Penny, had a hard time with confrontation. "We've been dating for a while now and we're kinda both ready to take it to the next step."

Penny stared blankly between the two of them, uncomprehending.

"Moving in together." Estelle clarified.

Penny stopped. "But you already live together. Here."

"Totally!" Estelle replied cheerfully. "But we wanna make it official. _Together_ together."

"Okayyyyy..." She still didn't follow. _What am I missing?_

"So we want you to move out." Estelle explained. 

"Stella!"Vaughn cried indignantly. Penny barfed internally at the pet name, but she couldn't hide her outrage.

"This is my place, Estelle, I lived here first!"

"I know, but like, majority rules? We both kind of talked about it and we think this place would be better with just the two of us." Estelle gazed adoringly up at Vaughn.

"She doesn't mean it like that, Pen. You can take your time! Pen? Penny!" Penny ignored Vaughn's attempts to call her back to the kitchen. She fled to the safety of her bedroom. Her wonderful, beautiful, rent-controlled bedroom. She looked around and wanted to cry. Instead she picked up the whole piece of carrot cake with one hand and shoved it in her mouth.

 

• •

 

Penny woke to find a note from Vaughn had been slipped under her bedroom door in the night. She read it through twice before tossing it in the bin. It was just some stupid bullshit about having until the end of the month to find a new place followed by a bunch of lame apologies.

_So far this week I've gotten in trouble with my boss, been tricked into believing Jack died, and been kicked out of my apartment. And all of that happened on a Monday. Bring on Tuesday._

An hour later found her in the same place she had been the previous morning. She zeroed in on her breathing and stretched out along the yoga mat. The hot room, the stretching, sweating, breathing of it all was a meditation in itself. Penny didn't understand how she could feel so calm in the morning and so out of control at the end of the day. 

_Maybe I need more sleep. Or maybe I need to murder Jack. Either would be good._

She couldn't decide what her next prank would be but she knew she had to take it to another level. Nothing cruel, like Jack's had been, but funny and creative. She wasn't going to take a faked death lying down!

There was just one problem with her revenge plan- Jack was nowhere to be found.

Penny didn't notice at first. Sometimes the pair went almost all day with seeing each other, the warehouse was that big. But by lunchtime, Penny knew something wasn't right. She sought out Talia in her office, where she always worked through lunch.

"Knock knock." Penny said.

"Penny, what do you need?" Talia spoke through a mouthful of pasta salad.

"Sorry to bug you don't mean to be a bother... Where's Jack today?"

Talia took a moment to swallow and have a sip of water before replying. "He texted in sick today." She was clearly unimpressed with that turn of events, but she wasn't the type to gossip about her employes. Penny knew she wouldn't get anything else out of her. 

There was a heavy, sick feeling rising in Penny. She whipped out her phone and sent several texts in rapid succession.

>Seriously dude, don't hide in shame. 

>Talia's pissed, just come to work.

>I know we're not phone call level friends but if you don't get back to me I will have no choice!!

She waited til the end of the workday to call Jack on the train ride home, but when she pressed the call button all she heard was a message explaining the number had been disconnected.

Penny wasn't one to panic needlessly, and also she didn't know Jack's home address, so instead of doing anything about her unease she made her way home. She discreetly skirted past Estelle and Vaughn who were unabashedly making out on the couch, and fell into a restless sleep.

 _If he's not at work tomorrow,_ then _I'll start to panic._

  


	3. Chapter 3

Penny woke up angry. She hadn't meant to wake up angry, but there it was. Perhaps it had something to do with Estelle and Vaughn acting like they were already living alone, perhaps it had something to do with the fact that it was Thursday and Jack had neither returned to work nor returned the texts she had sent on Tuesday and Wednesday. Whatever the reason, the anger spurred her into action. She was determined to find out what happened to Jack and she was doing it _today_.

Talia assured her that Jack had been in contact and was simply very ill and apparently infectious. 

"It's a terrible time to be sick, there's too much to do. Who gets sick in the summer anyway? I have Greg looking into hiring a temp." Talia had muttered, distracted by the crinoline she was gently extricating from storage.

This information left Penny in a difficult position, since she didn't actually believe what she was being told. She believed Talia believed it, so to protect her job and her boss' opinion of her mental health, Penny said nothing. Instead she went down the hall to the administrative office, promptly spilled her coffee all over Greg, the secretary, and offered to man the phones until he could come up with a change of clothes.

Greg huffily agreed that was the least she could do and stormed off.

Thanks to the dated paper filing system it took longer that she wanted to uncover the employee files. She found herself sliding the correct drawer shut just as Greg returned to the room. She slipped the hastily scribbled address into her back pocket and laughed uneasily.

"Wow, where did you get those pants?" They were much too long and he had rolled up the cuffs several times over. 

"Jack left them in his locker. It was either this or my gym clothes. And I already wore them to the gym today."

Just the mention of his name sent a bolt of worry through Penny.

"Wait, he left his locker open?" That was unusual. 

"I don't know if he left it open but it was open when I went down there. Were there any calls?"

Penny showed him the messages she had taken. "Was there anything else in the locker?"

"I don't know, Penny, maybe you should just go look for yourself?" Greg was clearly still huffy about the coffee thing so she left the office, intending to head straight to the locker rooms to investigate.

"There you are!" A voice cut through her train of thought and her head whipped around. Tom stood behind her in the warehouse. "I realized I needed a couple more options for the show and Talia sent me down to find you."

"Oh. Oh! Ok." Penny's mind rapidly shifted tracks. _I am not a private eye. I'm just a costume warehouse assistant. I'm here to do a job._  She was intimately aware of the fact that come month's end, she'd very likely be paying a lot more in rent than she currently was. It was a split-second decision to put her job security before her personal search. "What character did you need options for?"

"The character of 'Sophie'. You modelled that last gown very well, but I think we need something with a bit more movability for the stage." His smile seemed like a secret, meant only for her. He looked deeply into her eyes and if she had been more herself she would have picked up on the cues but anxiety over her missing friend made her briskly and efficiently lead him into what the warehouse employees called the stacks. 

It was like a library, each item sorted by style, time period and size. Penny knew exactly what she wanted to show him. She had naively planned it on Monday. She still remembered where the 'real' dresses she had prepared for the character had been filed.

"I love it down here," Tom said. "The smell is something else." Some people loved the smell of old books, some people loved the smell of old clothes. A small part of Penny delighted in the fact that they had that love in common. Nevertheless, she was a woman on a mission, and before long Tom had made his decision and was on his way with the required items. 

Relieved, she turned to resume her personal task, only to walk directly into Talia. 

"That was fast." She remarked.

"What?" Penny felt like she was constantly trying to catch up. 

"I thought you'd take your time in the stacks with Tom. That was your aim, wasn't it? With that little thing you wore on Monday?" Talia was a strange boss. She had a cold exterior, but nothing escaped her notice and she wasn't afraid to call anyone out. Penny blushed.

"Oh, um, I just, he seemed busy and you know, I have a lot on my plate what with Jack missing. I mean sick!" She quickly corrected herself.

"Well take your plate down to 15. One of the interns knocked every single Edwardian hat box off the top shelf and it's all hands on deck before our 2:30 with the Royal Shakespeare company."

Penny cursed internally and thought she really would have taken more time with Tom if she knew what was in store for her.

The Shakespeare appointment ran late of course, and Penny didn't get out of the warehouse til after 6.

By the time she got down to the men's locker room it was quiet. Everyone had left for the day. She could see Jack's locker standing open from the entrance. And she could see that there was nothing in it.

 

• •

 

Penny checked the address one more time. It had taken a train ride, followed by a bus ride, followed by a 15 minute walk, but finally she was outside of Jack's place. She stood outside for a few minutes contemplating how to get into the building. She saw a door opening inside the building so she took a chance. She pulled out her own house keys and made as if to unlock the door. Three teens burst through the front door, the last one holding it open for her, an afterthought.

"Thanks." She muttered, to no reply.

Apartment 506, the form had said. There was no elevator, so she resigned herself to walking up five flights of stairs.

Out of breath, Penny emerged from the stairwell and started down the hallway. It wasn't difficult to know which was Jack's. Even without the numbers, she still would have noticed the one slightly ajar door. She cursed herself at that moment for not bringing a weapon. She had no idea what she'd be walking into and she hadn't even though to drop a steak knife into her purse.

Bracing herself, she pushed the door open with the toe of her shoe, keeping her body off to the side. Peering in around the doorframe she could neither hear nor see anything that looked out of place. Although Jack didn't appear to be the neatest tenant, nothing she could see immediately pointed to a break-in. 

_How would I know what a break-in looks like? Don't they usually leave, like, stuff all messed up, pillows torn up, the works?_

She inched her way into the apartment, resolving to find the kitchen and secure a knife before she went any further. She padded softly through the entrance hall and found the kitchen on the first try. The knife block was on the counter and she chose one of the bigger ones. she wrapped her fingers around the handle and at the same time she heard the front door snick shut.

With a frightened gasp, Penny whipped the chef's knife out of the block and spun around to face the entryway. Her momentum brought the whole block crashing off the counter and knives skittered across the kitchen floor. 

_There goes any chance at subtlety._

She worked at slowing her breathing, ears straining for any sound.

"Jack?" Whoever was here already knew exactly where she was. If it  was Jack then he should know it was only her. If it was someone else... Perhaps they would take pity on a frightened girl.

She waited in tense silence for several long minutes.

_Maybe the door just closed itself behind me? Maybe this is all in my head. Maybe Jack really is sick and he had to call and ambulance and the paramedics left the door open._

As she weighed the possibilities she began making shuffling movements toward the front door. She tried to move silently, cursing every swoosh of her pant legs against each other. Almost to the hallway, she forgot to look down and she kicked one of the steak knives. It skated out into the hallway and she held her breath, heart in her throat. For a long moment nothing happened.

It wasn't until she exhaled in relief that the man came around the corner. He was so fast he almost didn't seem human. With a scream caught in her throat, she lifted the knife she held, an instinctual move to protect herself. One of his hands came up to her throat and she brought the knife down, hoping to hit something, anything that would keep him from strangling her to death.

Everything seemed to move in slow motion after that. She could see it all- the glint of the knife as it descended toward him. Then, impossibly, he caught the blade of the knife in his hand and twisted it out of her grasp, crushing it with inhuman strength in the process and tossing it out of reach.

_That's- What the hell- I don't-_

As his other hand- definitely flesh and bone, tightened on her throat and her vision receded to pinpoints, Penny's last sight was of the man's shiny metal hand, flexing at his side.


	4. Chapter 4

Penny woke slowly-coming to awareness of her body and a distant ringing - and then quickly, with a panicked flail and a gasp. She sat bolt upright, heart thudding in her chest. 

Tears of relief sprung to her eyes as she realized she was in her bedroom at home. Had it all been just a dream? Her tears turned to laughter, then faded. She took a deep breath and glanced over at the clock.

11:30am!

She jumped out of bed and ran into the hall. She found her phone almost out of juice in her jacket pocket. Talia.

"Hello?" She croaked.

"Where are you?" 

"I'm so sorry! I slept in, I don't know how. I'll be there as soon as I can!" Penny whipped off the T-shirt and underwear she had slept in and ran into the bathroom for a quick bird bath. 

"What's that I hear? You're volunteering to come in to work on Saturday? How lovely, I accept."

"Of course, of course- no problem, I actually-" Penny stopped in front of the mirror and paused in the middle of whatever complimentary lie she had been about to tell her demanding boss. Adorning her throat were a dark ring of bruises. She swallowed and realized exactly how much they actually _hurt_. "Oh god." She whispered.

"--Penelope! Hello? You actually what?" Talia's annoyed question registered 

"I actually-" The man from the night before stepped into the reflection and she choked. "-have to go." She wasn't sure if she ended up hanging up the phone before she whipped it at the guy's head, but it didn't matter one bit since he caught it with his metal hand and crushed it to bits.

The fact that she was totally naked and extremely vulnerable was the only thing running through her mind. She saw a towel on a nearby rack and she turned quickly to grab it. He moved too quickly yet again, crowding her into the wall.

"Oh god!" She cried. He had one hand on each of her wrists and the weight of his body pinned her completely.

"Don't move." He snarled.

It had been a long time since she had been pressed so intimately against a man, and this man was frighteningly solid. The leather straps and zips of his clothing dug into her flesh, and her whole body shook, teeth chattering and eyes wide.

"Please." She whimpered, sounding pitiful even to her own ears. "Let me put-- something on."

_Even the towel. Oh god this is unbearable. What does he want from me. Oh god stop touching me._

The man stared down at her. The mask obscuring everything but his eyes. It seemed they stared into her and at the same time past her, like he was there but not there, and that frightened her all the more.

After a moment he stepped away and to her surprise handed her the towel she had been grabbing for, his eyes never leaving her face. She turned away and wrapped it snugly around herself.

"Can I go in my room and get some other clothes, please?" Her voice sounded high and thin, fear showing through.

He seemed to agree with this plan because he grasped her by the arm with his flesh hand and walked her into her bedroom. He let go of her and stood by the open doorway. They stared at one another for a moment until she  came to the rightful conclusion that he was going to stand there while she got dressed. She didn't know what it was but something was truly not right with the man. As she pulled her underwear up under the towel she noticed his eyes were focussed somewhere above her head.

_So he's just keeping me in his peripheral vision? Not such a pervert, then._

There must be another reason he wanted to keep her in his sights, if it wasn't to get his rocks off. All signs pointed to the man being mentally unstable.

She put on a lot of clothing, considering the warm weather, but it felt like a safety net between herself and the man who had just touched almost every inch of her body. When she finished dressing she turned to face him fully. She stood behind the bed while he stood by the door. Each little bit of distance helped make her feel more secure. If she thought about how fast the man could move, how strong he was, she might just sit down and cry right then and there. If she thought about his metal arm- _Stop_.

A long silence stretched between the two of them. The last few days had been so strange she almost couldn't believe they had been real.

_This is real. This is definitely real._

So many questions raced though her mind, but all she really wanted to ask was what the hell was going on?!

"Jessa Haugen. Born May 22nd 1993, in Tromso, to Roberta Jansen and Boris Haugen."

"What?" She had never heard those names before. "I was adopted." It had been a closed adoption. She had never heard the names of her birth parents, assuming that's who they really were. And Tromso? That didn't make sense.

"Adopted August 1993 to Rick and Pamela Greene. Name changed to Penelope Greene. Raised in London, England, emigrated to New York in 1999."

She listened to him recite details of her childhood. No emotion coloured his voice. It was as if he were reading a grocery list. She heard him recount her graduation from high school, her (embarrassingly brief) relationship history, the traumatic gas explosion that took her parents during her first year of university, and her career in costuming all with the same dispassionate tone of voice.

"I know my life," she finally cried, "I lived it! What the hell are you getting at? Why are you here?" 

Finally he seemed to fully meet her gaze, consciousness slipping through, and a real expression forming. His eyes shone dully with repressed emotion.

"Your life is _all_ I know. And you're in danger."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm having a ton of fun with this! I'd love to hear your comments and criticisms, and let me know if you catch any glaring mistakes! This story is unbetaed.


	5. Chapter 5

"Your life is all I know. And you're in danger."

Silence filled the room and Penny's mind raced. In danger? If it was true, and this frightening man had just revealed details of her life not even she knew, she didn't know what to think. 

Her parents had always been closed-mouthed about her birth. Thy had claimed they knew nothing about her birth parents, and she had not been overly curious. She'd had a good childhood and it hadn't seemed terribly important.

but now it was important. It was clearly extremely important to the man with the metal arm standing in her bedroom.

"What does that even mean? How do I know you're telling the truth?"

He stared at her.

"Who are you?!" She exclaimed, confused and exasperated.

"I. Don't. Know." He gritted, fists rolling into tight balls.

"Well, what do you want with me? So you think you know my name! So what? What does that actually have to do with me?" His lack of answers and of further action emboldened her and she stepped out from behind her bed toward him. "Why are you here? And where is Jack?!"

Their interaction at Jack's apartment flashed through her mind's eye. 

"He wasn't safe."

"So you killed him?" She laughed harshly, an involuntary reaction to the absurdity of the moment.

"No. I exposed him, and he ran." His mouth opened and closed as if he wanted to say more.

She barked out another laugh. 

"I don't even know what to say to that. You exposed him? He RAN? I clearly saw him get shot! What are you going to do with me?"

"I will protect you. It is my mission."

"Protect me from what? The only thing that's hurt me in the last week is YOU! You shot my friend, you choked me out last night, you violated me!" If what she had seen was real and Jack had been shot in the back, there was no way he had walked away from that. 

A noise out in the hall had Penny jumping, and the man springing into action. Suddenly there was a gun in his hand and a predatory tension in his body. She could hear someone closing the front door and shucking off their shoes. The sound of plastic bags hitting the floor and a man's cough filtered through her door.

"Stop!" She whisper-shouted at the stranger. "It's just my roommate. Stop!" He turned toward her.

"Penny, is that you?" Vaughn called from the hall. "Penny?" She could hear him walking toward her bedroom door and the tension in the room increased.

" I'm changing!" She shrieked. "Don't come in!"

"What are you doing home today, I thought you had to work?" Vaughn stopped just outside Penny's door. 

"Oh I uh, I-- slept in. I'm really late." 

"Well I was just about to make a BLT. You hungry? I got tempeh bacon!"

Penny met the eyes of the stranger. She had never refused one of Vaughn's vegan BLT's and he would be hurt if she did now. She could tell it was a conciliatory gesture. Things had been frosty in the apartment and he had made clear his allegiance was to Estelle, but that didn't mean she was ready to give up on their ten-year friendship. It might also be a chance to escape. If she could get to the police she knew she would be safe. 

"He'll know something's wrong if I say no." She whispered. The metal-armed man frowned, but grudgingly moved away from the door. 

"Yeah, I'll be out in a sec." She called to Vaughn, and heard him pad off to the kitchen.

_Obviously he doesn't want anyone to know he's here. He's dangerous, and in hiding. His arm is... I wonder if I can get Vaughn to leave with me. There's no way I can tell him about this psycho while we're still in the apartment, he'd tear Vaughn apart._

Her thoughts were frantic as she slowly moved toward the door. She didn't want to spook the man who stood between her and freedom. As she was passing him he reached out and took her arm. She flinched back, but his iron grip held fast.

"Don't tell him about this." He warned. "Any of it. It'll get him killed."

 

\-----

 

White-faced and shaken, she made her way to the kitchen. Her shaky legs deposited her into a chair, metal legs scraping gratingly along the tile floor. 

"Shit, you look bad." Vaughn turned with two sandwiches, depositing one onto the table in front of her and one in front of himself. "I think you should stay home from work. You're probably coming down with something." Penny made a non-committal  noise.

_Yeah, a case of the murdering, stalking psychopaths._

"What's that?" Vaughn stood suddenly, walking over to the remnants of her phone Outside the bathroom. Penny froze. 

"Uh, I had an accident."

"With a steamroller?" He said from around the corned. He returned to the room with a handful of small shards. "Yikes. I hope you clean the rest up before you go to work."

"I don't think I'm going to work today." An idea began to form. "Maybe you're right. I should get checked out. I should head to the clinic." She coughed pitifully, dropping her head and making herself look even more pathetic. "Would you be able to drive me? I really don't want to have to take the subway..."

Vauggn grimaced. "I would love to, honestly, but I promised Estelle I would pick her up from work in twenty minutes, then we're driving straight out to Jersey to visit her parents for the weekend." He gave her a once-over. "I think you'll survive."

she laughed weakly.

"I hope you're right."  _At least that gets you out of the city and I can figure out exactly what's going on without having to worry about anyone._

 _"_ Speaking of, I really have to get going, or I'm gonna be late!" He shoved the last of his sandwich to his mouth and pulled on his jacket. A duffel bag she hadn't noticed before was sat next to the front door. Panic set in, but she held her tongue. If she told him what was going on, she would be putting him in danger.

How much danger she was in, she wasn't sure, but she didn't know of any prosthetics with the kind of mobility the man in her bedroom had. She hadn't yet allowed herself to speculate on who exactly it was that might have given him that arm, but whoever it was, she hoped she wasn't on their bad side. Actually, she hoped she wasn't on their radar at all.

Vaughn waved a final goodbye and hustled out the door. Penny's stomach dropped. Her eyes turned to the closed door of her bedroom. She stared, waiting for it to open. The seconds in the clock ticked by for what seemed like an eternity, and still nothing but happened. 

_What is he doing in there? Why is he so quiet? What is he waiting for?_

There was nothing for it. Her house keys, wallet, and all her identification was in that room. Her computer was in that room. She would have to go back in. There wasn't going to be any subway ride without her money. 

_I just have to go back in._

She didn't go for a weapon this time, knowing nothing she wielded would be a match for him. Tiptoeing toward the door, she noticed it was slightly ajar. With arm outstretched, she reached out and pushed the door open. It swung easily into the room.

She stepped inside, eyes roaming the space. Empty. Heart in her throat, she got to her knees and flipped up the bedsheet that dusted the floor. She stumbled to her feet and threw open the closet door. She flung the open bedroom door back to see behind it. Nothing.

The man was gone.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are finally kicking off!

There was no pre-planned response to a lunatic ( _possibly_?) killing your coworker, breaking into your home, and telling you that you are the centre of their existence. It wasn't something Penny had ever even considered a possibility.

The tools that she had been taught would prepare her for anything hadn't prepared her for that. Her boss' phone call seemed like it had happened days ago when in reality it had only been a little over an hour. In shock and unable to process, she moved through her apartment on autopilot. 

_Lock the windows, sweep up phone fragments, wash the dishes. Stop shaking. Breathe._

She completed her tasks and sat gingerly at the edge of her bed. She didn't feel safe. Her home had been violated and she knew no window latch would stop the metal-armed man if he wanted to come back inside. She tried to think of what to do next, but her mind was empty and spinning. She had to do something, but what?

"The police!" She exclaimed out loud as the stray thought entered her mind. The police would be able to do something. She looked up the address of the nearest station on her laptop, set her shoulders in something resembling her usual confident stance, and went to ask for help.

 

...........

 

Penny didn't do anything dramatic like stand outside the station staring at the building before entering. She didn't have to gather up her courage or take a deep breath or psych herself up for anything. She wasn't a character in a movie and she didn't have any time to waste. She headed straight to the front desk.

"How can I help you?" The officer on duty asked as she approached him.

"I need to file a report. I- I think I'm in danger... I was just attacked."

"Ok, what happened?" The officer pulled out a blank form and a pen and began taking notes.

Her thoughts were fragmented, but she did her best to go through the events of the past week as accurately as she could. 

"-so I went to Jack's apartment to check on him and that's when I-- I guess I met-- or was attacked by the man with the-- the metal arm."

"Metal arm? Do you mean he had a prosthetic arm?"

"I don't know. It moved like a normal arm but it was metal. It wasn't like any prosthetic I've ever seen."

"And this was the man who you say attacked you?"

"Yes."

"Can you describe him in detail?"

"Um, he was dressed all in black, he had a metal arm, obviously... He had longer brown hair, like maybe shoulder length. Um, he was wearing a mask so I couldn't really see his face."

"What was his approximate height?"

"I'll take it from here, O'Rourke."

Penny and the officer were both startled by the sudden appearance of a tall, broad-shouldered woman in a pantsuit.

"Detective Park, I'm in the middle of taking this woman's statement." The officer sputtered.

"Yes, I overheard." She turned to Penny. "The man you just described is involved in an active investigation. I'm sorry for the inconvenience but I'd like to take your statement personally."

"Uh, ok." Penny looked back and forth between the officer and the detective, sensing tension. The officer seemed to grudgingly agree because he began to clear away the papers he had been using. She awkwardly stood and followed the detective down the hall to a private room.

Having gone through the majority of the story once already, it was slightly easier to tell the second time. Having another woman to speak to set her more at ease and her thoughts began to clear.

"What exactly did he say to you after you got dressed?"

"Um, it was something about how I- uh- was adopted. He told me the names of my birth parents, or he could have made them up I guess, I honestly don't know. He said I was in danger..."

"Do you remember the names he told you?" Detective Park's gaze was penetrating.

"I think... I remember he said I was born in Tromso." The detective's eyebrows shot up.

"In Norway? And is that true?"

"I don't know, it was a closed adoption. My parents never told me or-- never knew where I came from."

"And the names he gave you?" The detective urged.

"Um... One of the names reminded me of the ice cream-- Haagen Dazs?"

"Haugen." Park corrected, lips thinning.

"Yeah!" 

"Jessa Haugen?"

"That's right! How did you know that?"

"The name has come up in my investigation." She paused. "And you said your coworker, Jack, stopped showing up to work on Tuesday of this week?"

"Yes-" 

"And what was the exact nature of your relationship with him?"

"What do you mean?" Penny felt her cheeks begin to heat.

The detective simply raised one eyebrow and smirked.

"We were just coworkers. Nothing else. I had never even been to his house til Thursday night when I went looking for him."

"So you two weren't close?"

"I mean, we joked about our hellish boss and bought each other lots of coffees. He was my best work friend."

"He bought you coffee often?"

"Yeah, we would buy each other coffees multiple times a week. He always had one for me every Monday morning." She felt her eyes welling, prickling. "Where are you going with this? Why does it matter how often he bought me coffee? He's missing!"

"I know my questions may be confusing but it all helps me get a better picture of the situation. One little detail can make a big difference." Detective Park stood, moving toward the door. "Sit tight, ok, Penny? I have to make a couple of phone calls and I'll be with you again shortly."

 

.....

 

The longer Penny sat alone in the empty interrogation room on her uncomfortable metal chair, the more she began to feel like a suspect.

She didn't know how much time had passed since she had been left there. It had certainly felt like a lot. Enough time to count the ceiling _and_ floor tiles, chew all her nails down, exercise her kegels, and at last when she could bear the stillness no longer, get up and stretch. All while thinking incessantly about the last few moments of her conversation with detective Park.

Breathing deeply through her nose as she moved into downward dog, Penny made a list of questions she wanted to ask when the detective got back.

_1\. Where did you hear the name Jessa Haugen?_

_2\. Is it actually my birth name?_

_3\. Do you know who my birth parents are?_

_4\. where is Jack?_

_5\. Who is that masked man?_

The door opened, interrupting her line of thought.

"Sorry to have kept you waiting. I needed to discuss a few things with my superiors." Detective Park swept back into the room. Her shoulders were high and her cheeks slightly flushed. "I'm going to have to ask you to come with me."

Penny stood, and the detective took her by the arm and steered her out of the room. 

"Is everything ok? Where are we going?"

"Shush. Quickly, now." The woman's cool demeanour and firm grip on her arm began to remind her of her earlier encounter. They met no one as Park led her through a series of doors and into an underground garage. 

"What's happening?" She started to resist the grip and try to slow her own steps.

"I'll explain on the way. Don't fight me, there isn't time."

Penny no longer felt entirely reassured by the detective and she wasn't sure if she was more afraid of what was coming after her or what she was being led into. She let herself be helped into the passenger side of an unmarked car, unsure whether she should be trusting this policewoman or trusting her gut.

 _Thie feels wrong_ _. But it's the police. They must know best..._

The detective ran around the front of the car and Penny surreptitiously checked the door handle. Locked. _Not alarming at all,_ she thought.

Park pulled out of the underground lot and onto the street. Neither woman spoke until they had been driving for a good ten minutes.

"Where are you taking me?" Penny asked. The detective slanted her eyes at her for a moment.

"That depends on you, Penny."

"What do you mean?"

There was a long moment of silence.

"Have you ever heard of Hydra?"

 "You mean the Greek myth? The serpent?"

Park laughed. "Sort of. Actually I'm referring to more recent history."

"Oh! The nazis! World war 2? But what does that have to do with me?"

"Most people think Captain America and his Howling Commandoes took out Hydra for good, but the nazis only had control of one branch. Cut off one head and two more shall take its place, as the saying goes."

The scenery around them had changed. Buildings had become squatter, lower to the ground, large vacant lots dotted the streets. 

"Hydra has remained in the shadows since then, continuing to forward its mission in secret."

"And is that who you think is after me? But why? I'm nobody! Literally nobody!"

"You're more important than you think. If you really are Jessa Haugen, you may be the last of a line of experimental births performed by Hydra."

"What? What kind of experiment?"

"All I know is that we've been looking for you for a long time. You're lucky it was me who found you. The Winter Soldier's last mission was to find and eliminate you and all the children like you, but he went rogue before he could complete it."

"The Winter Soldier?" Penny's mind was reeling. She could barely understand half the words coming out of Detective Park's mouth. "What do you mean? Who's been looking for me?"

Park turned left, entering a cavernous warehouse space and thumbing a button attached to her key fob. The mechanical door behind them began to slide shut and the car came to a slow stop. Penny's heart raced as the late afternoon light slowly began to vanish behind the sliding door, leaving only the cold blue light of indirect sun.

The detective looked across the front seat at her passenger.

"The man with the metal arm is the Winter Soldier, he has no other name. In fact, he's barely human, just a brainless footsoldier. And as for who's looking for you..." Penny heard a click, and looked down. In the detective's left hand was a gun, pointed directly at her.

"Hail Hydra."

 

 

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

"What are you doing?" Penny's voice shook. She didn't know she had any more tears left after the week she'd had, but she could feel them coming on once again.

"I just want to make sure you understand how serious this is. The soldier was right, you are in danger, and the danger is going to be coming from all sides now. Hydra is everywhere, at every level."

"I thought you were supposed to help me!" She hissed.

"I am helping you, you just don't realize it yet." The detective spoke calmly. "Hydra is unstoppable, that's what you have to understand. We've been in the shadows of S.H.I.E.L.D. for a very long time, and now that S.H.I.E.L.D. been exposed for the bloated, ineffective shithole it was, it's time to take our rightful place on the world stage. There are more agents like me out there than you'd ever imagine. We watch, we report, and we do what we can to forward our cause."

"And what cause is that?"

Park smirked, "Now, now, I can't tell you all of our secrets."

"What do you want with me?"

"All I need from you is your honest answer to one question."

Penny was afraid to ask what that question might be.

"The question is simple, there should only be one answer. Are you ready?"

At Penny's tentative nod the detective reached across the front seat, took a tight handful of hair at the back of the girl's head, and without prejudice, slammed her head into the dashboard. Penny screamed breathlessly, sharp pain radiating across her face.

"Do you want to die, Penny?" Park didn't release her grip, choosing instead to wrench her captive's head back. "Do you?!"

"No- no- no- please- please don't!"

"Get out of the car." Detective Park pressed a button and the doors all unlocked. She reached across the car, unbuckled Penny's seatbelt and opened the passenger side door before giving her a firm shove. Penny crumpled to the warehouse floor.

The detective stepped out and came around the car, gun still aimed at Penny. Blood flowed steadily out of her aching nose. "Please don't kill me!"

"I'm glad you don't want to die, Penny. You do have another option." The woman's voice and hand were steady, all her attention fixed on the girl at her feet.

"What- I don't understand!" She scrabbled back as Park approached.

"My superiors think you have the potential to do so much for us, Penny. They know all about you, they can tell you everything you wish to know about your past. They can help unlock your hidden potential. They can help you control it!"

"My what? Control what?"

"Your potential, Penny. Do you want to change the world? Do you?" She punctuated her last words with a lunging step toward her captive.

Penny shrieked. "I don't know! No? Not particularly! I- I-"

"Well things are about to change whether you like it or not, and the choice is yours. Join the organization that is going to lead the world into a new era, or die right here."

"What could you possibly want with me?" Her mind raced with a million impossible scenarios in which she escaped, but without a clear exit and with a gun pointed right at her, she had no real chance. Park knew it, too.

"Listen, I could stand here and tell you every idea I have about what my superiors could possibly want with you, but the truth is I don't know any more than you do. Maybe they want to recruit you. Maybe they want to breed you like they bred your mother. Maybe they want to buy you a happy meal and send you on your merry way. It's really none of my concern. Your choice is clear. Join Hydra, and swear allegiance to our cause, or prepare to die."

Penny sobbed wordlessly. 

Everyone knew about the aliens, the helicarriers falling from the sky, and the data dump that had exposed the internal workings of the secret government organization known as S.H.I.E.L.D.

The hearings in Washington had just begun and there was a lot of media coverage of the whole event. Penny had taken a passing interest in the details but her demanding schedule at the costume warehouse had kept her too busy to really dig deep. She was internally flaying herself for not spending more time learning about it.

Was it Hydra that people were saying was responsible for the attacks? She couldn't quite remember. She had listened to her co-worker's conversations on the subject only in passing. She couldn't imagine anything _but_ a terrorist organization having this kind of recruitment strategy.

_I don't want to die. I don't want to die. But I don't want to be a terrorist. Can I survive another week under the same conditions as the last week? A month? A year?_

She remembered the detective's speculative words about what would be done with her.

_Bred._

"I don't want to be raped for the rest of my life." She gasped. Her breath came in short pants, she started to feel sick and dizzy. She recognized her symptoms as those of a panic attack. As a child she had gotten them frequently. It wasn't until her parents had enrolled her in a weekly children's yoga class that she really began to learn healthy ways to manage her anxiety.

There was no pulling herself out of this one, however, and she almost welcomed it. Passing out would give her a reprieve from her impossible choice. The sick feeling welled up inside her, her chest burned as she laboured for air, and her vision began to recede, blackness creeping in at the edges of her sight.

"Jesus Christ. Pull yourself together." The slap came out of nowhere, landing squarely on Penny's already sensitive cheek. Pain or shock or some combination thereof shook her out of her panic and she took a few deep breaths. She registered that the cop was still on bended knee before her and that the gun was pointed at the ground. Considering the facts and choosing to act took less than a second, and without a word she lunged.

Most of Penny's energy was focussed on getting the gun away from the woman, so she tried to aim most of her weight toward the arm holding the gun. Whether it was her quick thinking or sheer luck, the gun skittered away when the detective's hand was smashed into the floor.

"You stupid bitch!" Detective Park, with years of experience on the force and time training under Hydra, may have been startled by the surprise attack, but that didn't stop her from swiftly retaliating.

While Penny did what little she could to defend herself, Park heaved all her body weight to the side while kicking Penny's knee out from under her. The roll was done neatly and Penny found herself eating dirt on the warehouse floor, a knee on her back and both arms bent behind her, wrists pinned together under Park's firm grip. 

"That was just about the dumbest thing you could've done." The detective was breathing heavily, winded by the fall. "You've left me with no choice. Know that you've done this to yourself."

"Go fuck yourselfahhhhhhh!" Detective Park had stood and again grabbed a tight handful of Penny's hair. She started dragging the girl in the direction the gun had gone. Penny half-crawled along, insensible to anything but the pain.

"You!" Park suddenly stopped moving, grip tightening. Penny tried to crane her neck to see who it was but the tight fist in her hair had her face aimed squarely at the floor. All she could hear were booted footsteps slowly approaching. "Stand down!" 

The detective took a shuffling step back when the footsteps continued to approach. 

"Soldier! Stand down! That's a direct order!" Her voice was shaking now. The person continued to approach.

"Stop right there! Stand down, soldier!" It wasn't until the last possible moment that Park's courage ran out. She threw Penny to the floor and made a break for it. Three steps away and her flight was halted by a metal hand on her arm, too tight. She screamed and fell to her knees as her arm was pulverized.

Penny lay on the cement floor, watching the Winter Soldier brutalize the woman who had been about to kill her. He snapped Park's neck and then it was all over. The detective slumped lifelessly to the floor, and the soldier stood staring at her body.

 _Am I next?_ Penny shivered, knowledge that there was no escape from certain death flooding her. She watched the soldier pivot slowly toward her and she looked up to meet her fate head on. She stared into his surprisingly anguished eyes for a long moment. 

"Can you stand?" The question surprised her. She pushed herself up onto her hands and knees, and slowly came to her feet, wobbling dizzily. "We need to leave here, now." He took a halting step toward her and she gasped and stumbled back several paces. His frown deepened.

"Sorry, I- uh..." Penny didn't know what she was apologizing for but she couldn't bear his wounded look.

"No!" He interrupted her. "Don't." He glanced over his shoulder and then back at her. "Hydra will be all over this building as soon as they realize she hasn't checked in. Could be minutes. Let me help you. I can protect you. Come with me, please?"

 _Why should I trust you? Why do I want to?_ There were so many things she wanted to ask him right then, but she felt the urgency of time almost as keenly as he did, and his eyes were speaking volumes about his intentions.

"Take off your mask." He tilted his head, confused. "Let me see your face."

She knew it was naive to think she could judge a man's character by the look of his face, but it was that feeling in her gut again telling her what to do. His hands went to the mask, tugging at the corners and gingerly pulling it away from his face.

There were lines creased into his skin from where the mask had rested tightly. His eyes were not the only expressive part, his lips were full and turned down slightly in a natural pout. 

_That is one seriously good looking man. Wow. Too bad he's also one seriously fucked up individual._

"Why should I trust you?" She knew better than to trust a pretty face just because it was pretty, but something in her saw a shred of real emotion in his expression.

"You shouldn't," he rasped, gaze falling to the floor. "I don't trust myself. I don't even know myself.  All I know is that I couldn't live with myself if I didn't do everything possible to ensure your safety." 

The sound of a car door slamming outside the warehouse made her decision for her. She was still having trouble breathing through her bloody nose and she was dizzy as hell, but she was going to do everything in her power to survive.

"Lead the way, soldier."


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual this is un-betaed, and I am especially tired as I post this! Please enjoy and with much love I ask that you forgive (and tell me about) any errors! <3

There was something almost meditative in the calm that fell over Penny as she trailed behind the soldier. She had fallen back at first- he was quick, and she was slow and probably in shock. He simply took her hand and pulled her along, ignoring or not noticing her stumbling steps. She had no choice but to keep up in his unyielding grip.

She escaped into her breathing.

One, two, three- inhale, one, two, three- exhale. 

They weren't moving at an extraordinary speed, but everything still seemed to blur together. The soldier had led her out the back door of the warehouse and through a maze of buildings and vacant lots that she never really knew existed in New York.

_When this is all over, I should go on one of those bike tours of the city. There's so much I don't know about it. Oh, that's a nice view of the water. Where are we right now? How long have we been running? I should have gone pee back before I got kidnapped._

Her thoughts remained inane, disconnected blather. Her mind couldn't process the enormity of what had happened, and each step they took sent shockwaves of pain through her bloody face and head.

They ran for a long time, long enough to watch the city transition to dusk and ever so slowly begin to light up. They ran until her adrenaline began to wear off and she really started stumbling- feet uncoordinated, toes catching on nothing. She took one stilted step and her legs locked up- she could see the pavement coming toward her in slow motion. Almost quicker than she could comprehend, the man's arms wrapped around her, halting her awkward descent.

"I don't know if I can run anymore." She mumbled up into his mask, their faces inches apart. The soldier said nothing, just lifted her easily and slung her over his shoulder.

"Ughhh this isn't going to be fun." She moaned as he started running again. 

"Won't be long." He grunted. "Too suspicious."

Despite his assurance, he continued to run for what felt like at least fifteen minutes. Penny couldn't really tell, what with all the blood rushing to her head. She felt dizzier than ever, and bitter nausea was creeping up her throat. The soldier's broad shoulder pressed insistently into her bladder and she feared she might lose control any second and expel everything at once. The though amused her addled brain and she began giggling.

The soldier had skirted the most populated areas during their escape, but now, as he pulled her into an alley and set her onto her feet, she could hear the sounds of traffic and city life.

He stared searchingly into her eyes and her laugher quickly petered out. She wished he hadn't put his mask back on so quickly in the warehouse. His eyes were inscrutable, barely showing any emotion. 

"I don't think they followed us." He looked up and down the alley. "Do you have a handkerchief or a cloth?" 

She absently felt around in her pockets, noticed she was still wearing her purse, at least she still had her ID and some money. _Thank god for cross-body bags._ Sheshook her head no, and was surprised when he tore a scrap from his own clothing and stepped into her space. He took her jaw gently in his metal hand and with his flesh hand wiped at her chin, her lips, the sore space between her nose and mouth.

_Oh right, I bled all over myself._

She felt strange about him touching her so intimately. He showed surprising tenderness, clearly doing his best to avoid hurting her further. 

"Is my nose broken?" She asked him, voice wavering unexpectedly.

"No."

He stepped away from her, and surveyed his work. He seemed to find it satisfactory because he tossed the bloody rag into the dumpster next to them, and indicated she should follow him with a tilt of his head.

She had regained her land legs by that point and felt secure enough to walk on her own two feet, so she followed him deeper into the alley. Again, as in the dockyards, Penny felt she was exploring a world she had never seen before. Darting from alley to alley, they followed a meandering path across the city. Sometimes they crossed busy streets and she would catch a glimpse of a landmark she recognized, and her disorientation would recede slightly.

Still, as dusk turned to full night she found it difficult to get her bearings. She hadn't eaten, hadn't drunk any water, and hadn't peed in hours, and her ability to focus had become severely compromised.

"Hey." She took his arm as he led them down yet another alley. "I'm fading here. And I need to pee. Where are we going? And when are we getting there? I really don't want to squat in an alley but it's getting to the point where I will if I have to."

His brows furrowed, perplexion written across his features. He looked back and forth between her hand and his metal arm, the one she had grabbed. She snatched her hand away, worried she had angered him. After a moment his eyes came back into focus.

"I have a safe place. Ten minutes."

Penny braced herself. She had waited several hours, she could probably wait another ten minutes.

 

*********

 

She shouldn't have waited that ten minutes. Nothing could possibly be more embarassing than surreptitiously doing the pee dance as they walked. She started walking on her toes, then her knees turned inward. She took a firm grasp on the waistband of her pants and pulled up tightly. It was all she could do to not hold her hands to her crotch and bounce like a child.

The soldier kept glancing at her out of the corner of his eye, which made it all the more mortifying. 

He ushered her down another alley and they came to a narrow door. He produced a key and quickly let her in, taking care to ensure no one noticed their entrance.

She took no notice of her surroundings beyond the basic- _oh, there's a thing there, don't run into the thing._

"Bathroom?"

"Through there." He indicated vaguely.

She ran, legs together, tears leaking from her eyes at the discomfort and humiliation. When she finally sat down and took care of business, she sniffled and examined the space. Wherever she was, it was pretty bare. She didn't see any towels in the room, just one small roll of toilet paper. There wasn't a mirror on the wall above the sink. There wasn't even a shower curtain. It reminded her of the many sad gas station bathrooms she had seen on childhood road trips with her parents. At least it was clean.

She flushed and stood to wash her hands. _No soap. Sigh._  She made do with a thorough scrub and splashed some cold water on her aching face. It came away pink. She recalled how the soldier had tried to clean her up.

_I guess he just took care of the bare minimum._

She splashed gingerly at her face until the water ran clear and then she gently swiped most of the water off with her fingers. She considered drying her face with her shirt, but she could feel the crusted blood and dust from her scuffle with the policewoman all over it.

_Policewoman? Hydra agent?_

Penny didn't know what to think. She barely knew _how_ to think, after the day she'd had.

It seemed to take a lot of energy just to open the door. Somehow the bathroom felt secure, like no one could get to her there. Only the knowledge that she wasn't safe anywhere drove her out of the cramped room. 

When she emerged, the soldier was nowhere to be seen, which gave her a chance to really look around.

It appeared to be an old commercial space that had been haphazardly set up as a living space. The bathroom light illuminated the vast room. Wide pillars stretched from the marble floor to the high, vaulted ceiling. It was pretty grand, and clearly abandoned.

"What is this place?" She whispered to herself.

"It's safe. They don't use it anymore."

"Oh my god!" She gasped and whirled. The soldier was only a few feet away from her. She put a hand to her heart, willing her racing pulse to slow. She belatedly noticed he was holding out a tall glass full of what looked suspiciously like water.

"What's that?" 

"Water." if his eyes could talk they would have added a "duh" to his reply.

"For me?" 

He cleared his throat and thrust the glass toward her more aggressively, sloshing some of the sweet, sweet liquid on the floor.

Penny quickly rescued the glass from his fingers, sipping and then gulping it down. She finished the glass with a smack of her lips and a sigh.

"Can I have more?" She asked timidly. He grunted again and gestured toward a half-closed door behind him, where light that spilled weakly through the crack served as the only illumination aside from the bathroom.

She tiptoed past him to enter what looked like a small break-room kitchen. none of the cupboards had doors, and the shelves were mostly empty. 

_At least there's water._

She chugged another two glasses and welcomed the temporary feeling of a full stomach. 

_Should have packed a snack. Or my computer. Or ibuprofen._

Penny looked into her purse and did a quick inventory. 

_ID, bank card, credit card, lipstick, lip balm, gum, a lighter, and 80 dollars- which was supposed to be weed money, dammit! Well, with the way this week has gone I'm guessing there are no Sunday afternoon listening parties in my near future._

Her heart clenched a little thinking of afternoons spent with Vaughn and Estelle, getting stoned and putting on the new record one of them had bought. They would lay big pillows across the living room floor and smoke with all the windows open, drinking red wine and ordering takeout and talking late into the evening.

It all seemed so long ago.

And now she was... Not sure where she was, or who she was with, or what exactly had brought her there. What had brought her into that dusty, disused kitchen? Why had she been assaulted and almost killed by a cop who turned out to be a terrorist? Was she going to be held prisoner by her rescuer?

The man in the other room seemed volatile, like he could snap at any moment. He had rescued her, and he seemed sincere in wanting to help her as far as she could tell. She just couldn't forget the way his body felt against hers, or the way his eyes sometimes seemed completely blank. It sent shivers down her spine, made her feel claustrophobic in her own skin. She hated feeling violated.

The soldier cleared his throat in the doorway. Penny squeaked and nearly dropped her glass.

"Augh! Don't do that! My heart can't take it!"

He looked taken aback.

"Do you have a heart problem?"

"What? No! It was a turn of phrase. Just- no more sneaking up on me, ok?" She would beg if she had to.

He cleared his throat a bit louder, demonstrating that he had at least tried to warn her of his approach.

_Maybe you need a bell._

"Listen, what's happening here? Who was that woman?"

"Hydra lackey." He growled menacingly. She was glad she had just hit the restroom otherwise she might have wet herself.

"Ok, another thing. I'm gonna need you to take off that mask. It's seriously the scariest thing about this whole situation right now, including that massive spider web above the door behind you."

Penny was entering a stage of hunger and exhaustion that Vaughn had once dubbed "hungrilarious". She would begin to say whatever came to mind, no matter how silly or inappropriate. She entered a state where she spoke without shame until she was fed, after which she would promptly pass out.

The soldier hesitated, glanced up at the spiderweb in question, then slowly raised both hands to his face, pulling the mask away with a faint look of relief. He tossed it onto the counter nearest him.

"Thanks." She grinned weakly at him, and braced herself against the counter. She was sure he'd be able to see actual hearts in her eyes. "That's much better."

 _If there's one thing I know for sure, it's that he's probably on my side. If there are two things... Well, the second thing would be that this man is a broken-down dreamboat. I wonder if he has to cover his face because a man wearing a creepy black mask is less memorable than a face like_ _that_.

She knew she would never make a move, the man may have been aesthetically beautiful but he was also probably insane and also probably a murderer. She could look, though.

"Um, ok, so, what do you know about all this? About what's happening to me."

"Not much... I'm not sure where to start." He shuffled his feet a bit, looking down at the floor. "My memory is... Not complete."

"Ok..." Penny suddenly felt compassion for this man. She wanted to know what he had gone through. But first she had to get her own answers. "This-- this morning you said the names of my birth parents, and where I was born. Why don't we start there? How did you know that?"

 His eyes glazed over slightly and he fell into that creepy monotone as he spoke. She had dubbed it his PTSD-drop in her mind. She didn't know what he was suffering from but it seemed pretty serious for him to have to disassociate for a conversation about her past.

"In 1993 Roberta Jansen and Boris Haugen were scientists in a Hydra research base in Tromso. It was a birthing program. Trying to create super soldiers. There may have been other programs running at the time. I don't know. They give me the information they think I need and then take it away, but..."

He paused, she waited.

"I was there. I was there when you were born. And I remembered you. They didn't take you away. Somehow, they couldn't. I remember you."

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

He spoke with halting words and eyes half-lidded, seemingly searching his memory- what little he had of it.

"My mission was to locate and retrieve the target. Code name Persephone. Dangerous. Approach with extreme prejudice." His metal hand shot out and gripped the door frame tightly. Penny could see the tension rising in him and instinctively started a series of slow, deep breaths- mostly to calm herself. 

_In moments of stress just take a breath._ It was a phrase she had come up with herself, a little rhyme that she could repeat in the background of her mind without losing her focus on what was infront of her. As she breathed, however, she noticed something interesting. The soldier seemed to be matching her breath for breath, and even though the tension didn't leave his shoulders, Penny felt like he was less close to the edge of whatever precipice he was courting.

"I heard something." His brow furrowed. "I should have left the compound immediately, but... I couldn't. It was-" 

There was a long pause, and Penelope wasn't sure if she should prompt him to continue or wait in silence. Luckily her silence paid off and he began to speak again.

"It was... A baby. Crying. I couldn't stop myself. I thought- I  _knew_ - I recognized the sound. The door to the lab was open and when I looked I saw my superiors-- watching a picture." 

"Watching a picture? You mean looking at a picture?" Penny corrected him without thinking. 

"No, doll, I mean  _watching_. A  _moving_ picture, ya got me?" Like a slap in the face his demeanour shifted from withdrawn and traumatized to a man who was cocky and self-assured. She could hear his accent thickening and the sound of a native New Yorker coming through. 

"A... a moving picture-- a movie!" 

"Sure, doll. So I watched the picture until they caught me." He paused.

"What was happening in the movie? I mean- the picture." His face tightened.

"They were hurting the baby. They burned her and cut her, but all the marks disappeared after a few seconds. I didn't understand a lot of what they were saying but it seemed like they didn't know how it worked. They were trying to figure it out. And then one of the doctors fell down and the picture ended. My handler saw me watching, and said-" He broke off, eyes going cold.

"Wait a minute... I was born in 1993. There's no way you're over 30, you would have just been a kid back then! How could you have possibly been there when I was born?" Penny exclaimed indignantly.

"What do you mean?" The intensity of his eyes on hers made her stomach turn over anxiously. He spoke again, slowly. "What year is it?"

"What?" Penny slammed on the brakes.  _That's not a normal question to ask. Obviously it's long after 1993- I'm an adult and not a baby!_

"Tell me the year!" He shouted.

"It's 2016!" She yelped.

It happened in an instant- his brow furrowed deeply and in the next moment his face went slack. The wood of the door frame splintered under his grip, and stiffly- as if in shock- he turned away from her and abruptly left the kitchen.

"Wait!" She ran after him, reaching the kitchen entrance only to find him halfway across the great hall already. 

_What happened there? That was, like, some serious split personality shit._  

He strode away, threw open a squealing metal door, and disappeared. Penny jumped as it slammed shut and stared for the next few minutes, dumbfounded and unsettled. Her mind puzzled sluggishly, considering possibilities and escape routes, and weighing the dangers. There was nothing she could come up with. She could barely think. The adrenaline had worn off and she felt like she was crashing. She wandered back into the kitchen and just stood there, looking around but not really seeing anything her eyes landed on.

She returned to the door they came in through with a half formed idea of peeking outside and looking for landmarks or an easy escape route, but when she tried the handle it wouldn't budge. It was the same with the door the soldier had stormed out through. She was locked in.

_Am I a prisoner here?_

Her mind whirled, trying to process everything that had happened in that one day alone. Her face and scalp throbbed mightily, and her whole being sung with exhaustion. With half-panicked, stumbling steps, she reached for the closest pillar, leaning heavily against it. She pressed her face against the cool marble and sighed. Penny choked on a sob and pressed the back of her balled fist against her lips, trying to draw focus away from the tightness in her chest. The pressure built until a deep, gasping sob burst forth, opening the floodgates. She cried loudly into the pillar, fists hitting the marble weakly until her knees buckled. She slid down until she hit the floor, and another great sob had her doubling over. On hands and knees she cried messily, tears and snot running down her face, and salt on her tongue. 

Her arms gave out and she rolled into a ball on the floor and cried until she fell asleep.

 

. .

 

Time passed, but when Penny woke she couldn't say how much. The windowless hall remained as dark as it had been before she cried herself to sleep. As her eyes adjusted to the dim light, she heard shuffling behind her and whipped around, heart in her throat. The soldier sat a few feet away. He had a dirty plastic bag in one hand and one side of his mouth tilted down. His eyes were shadowed.

"Oh, it's you." She said, relieved. She rubbed her hands across her face, trying to relieve the itchy, swollen feeling she recognized from the very few instances in her life in which she had cried herself to sleep. 

 "Sorry." He mumbled. 

"It's ok." She sat up, leaning her back against the pillar. "What happened?"

"There's something wrong with me." He answered, speaking slowly. "They did something to me. They made me forget. Sometimes I remember a little, but it always goes away."

"Are you talking about... Hydra?" He nodded stiffly.

"I think- yes." 

Penny couldn't think of what to say next. Her whole being was concerned with not doing anything to set him off. Even though she believed he didn't want to do her any harm, she could tell he was out of control. He could snap at any moment, and if she was in the wrong place at the wrong time... She shuddered at the thought. She wasn't even completely sure he was always living the same reality she was.

"Are you cold?"

"A little. I'm ok."

"I brought you some things." He slid the bag across the floor directly to her hand, leaving a healthy distance between the two of them.

_At least he's just as scared and fucked up about this as I am,_ she thought. It didn't give her any comfort.

The contents of the bag surprised her. There was a bottle of ibuprofen, a box of granola bars, and a small, battered notebook.

"Thank you." She opened the ibuprofen and swallowed two dry. Her fingers went to her face to assess the damage and felt mostly smooth, unmarred flesh. Her nose was still slightly swollen, but she wasn't in much pain.

_I guess it felt worse last night than it was._

"What's this?" She picked up the worn notebook, opening up the first page.

"It's... me." He looked down at his metal hand where it rested on his leg. "Sometimes I go away when I try to say the words. And I started to write things down so I wouldn't forget."

Penny silently flipped through the book. The first few pages were mostly incoherent. One or two words written and underlined here and there. Many were scribbled out, and some of the pages were ripped through. She read the word 'Hydra' several times, often with a question mark beside it. 'The chair' came fairly frequent. 'Who is that man?' was written with force every time. She was reminded of the questions she had wanted to ask while waiting in the police station. _Who is that masked man?_ It had been added to the list in jest, but seeing such a similar phrase written by someone to whom it clearly meant a great deal made her feel guilty for her trite joke. 

She turned a page and her own name jumped out at her. 'Penelope Greene'. All the names he had mentioned to her were written underneath hers. On the next page were the words 'University of Tromso', circled and underlined, with addresses and dates included. On the next page were the words 'the asset' written several times.

"What's the asset?" She asked, turning to the next page.

"I am." She glanced up in surprise. 

"What do you mean?"

"It's what I was called. My handler-" He cut off, jaw clenching.

"But detective Park- or whatever her name was- called you the Winter Soldier."

"Winter-" He leaned forward and asked, urgently, "What else did she say to you?"

Umm." She wracked her brain. It had all been such a blur she could barely remember. The day before felt like it had lasted a week. She tried to start at the beginning and work her way forward. "About you, specifically?"

"Tell me everything."

"She asked me a lot about Jack." Her tone sounded accusatory, even to herself, but the soldier didn't flinch. His intense gaze was unsettling. "Uh, she told me some stuff about Hydra. About how it didn't get destroyed during World War II like everyone thought. She said that quote about, uh, cutting off heads?"

"Cut off one head and two more shall take its place." The soldier said grimly.

"Right. Um, she also told me you were basically a robot but I think we both know that's not true."

"A robot?"

"I think the words she used were 'brainless footsoldier' and 'barely human'." No one spoke for a moment. "According to her there are a lot people like her working for Hydra, everywhere." She paused again but he didn't seem inclined to comment. "Uh, so she also said I was from, like, some kind of experimental birth program?"

"She's right about that."

"I still don't understand how you could know that. You can't have been older than 10 in 1993. It doesn't make sense." 

"I can't- I can't explain it. I know I was there. You were my mission, but somehow I already had you in my head. There's not a lot up there that they haven't put in. You're one of those things." Penny fought down a completely irrational surge of butterflies. 

"It just doesn't make sense." 

"It's the only thing that makes sense to me right now."

"And what about Jack?" Penny needed to change the direction of the conversation or she was about to start blushing and stuttering.  _How can one person be so frightening and so attractive at the same time?_

"Your coworker." He said flatly.

"No, my _friend._ Where is he? You said he didn't die, you said you 'exposed' him." She used air quotes. "What did you mean by that?"

"I... I followed you for a while. I needed to make sure you weren't a plant to bring me back in." Her eyes widened.  _This guy is paranoid AF._ "I saw 'Jack' bring you coffee many times." He used the air quotes right back at her. _Also sassy AF._  "Whoever he is, he's not your friend. Every time he brought you a drink, he put something in it. He was drugging you."

 

. . 

 

To be continued


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've been away for a few months for a number of reasons and I'm so sorry! Since I've been gone I moved into a new city and have been struggling with that. I've also been struggling with where to go with this story for a while and I've been putting off working through it. I write for fun and stress relief, and only when I feel inspired, but I still feel pretty bad about leaving you hanging. Hopefully if anyone has stuck around you won't be disappointed with the next few chapters! Thanks for reading and understanding <3  
> Lots of love,  
> Goldenseal

Penny listened and thought hard as the Winter Soldier related what he had seen. Her thoughts were scattered and uncertain. Her first instinct was to ignore what the man was telling her.  _I know Jack. I know he's a good person. He would never drug me. Or would he? Maybe it's not what it seems! He could have had a good reason..._ If her past lay as a blanket spread out in front of her, betrayals and lies were the threads holding everything together.  _I don't know what to believe._

She was reminded of the very dead detective back at the warehouse.  _If I needed proof that this was legit, there it is._ Detective Park herself had claimed she was part of a thought-to-be defunct terrorist organization. That alone gave her every reason to believe what the soldier was telling her. Hydra was real (she had the head injury to prove it), and somehow Penny was in their sights. She had already gone through the official channels, and even though the first officer who'd taken her statement had seemed sympathetic Penny now knew that literally anyone could be a Hydra agent.

_I can't trust the police. I can't trust anybody. He really is the best chance I've got at surviving this._

It was a grim prospect. Her only line of defence against a huge terrorist organization lay in a rogue super-soldier with severe PTSD.  _At least there's_ someone  _in my corner._

It was a quiet back-and-forth for around 20 minutes while the soldier relayed what little more he knew about her situation that he hadn't already shared. It wasn't much. There were too many gaps in his memory and it clearly frustrated him. Penny continued to flip through the pages of his notebook, and it wasn't long before she came to some more coherent entries. Whole paragraphs began to take shape. She read the first few lines of one page. 

 

>   _I dreamed I was falling. I fell and fell, and it got colder and colder, until it felt like the cold was in my bones. I looked into the shadows around me and there were all these faces. I don't know who they were, but they damn sure were mad at me. I could see their mouths moving but I was falling too fast to see what they were saying. My chest hurt and the arm started hurting real bad. I looked over and the arm was just gone, no metal, no nothing. And it still hurt like hell even though it wasn't there. When I woke up the arm was cramping something_   _fierce. I didn't know it could hurt like that. Pain didn't go away til the sun came up and I had to move out._

The book very quickly began to feel like a journal. These were his memories and dreams, his personal thoughts and fears, and he had just handed them to her to read. There she was just casually flipping through his--  _diary_ , for lack of a better word. It felt like a great invasion of privacy. She snapped the book shut and rested it across her folded legs.

"So basically what I'm hearing is that you're stuck with me."

He frowned and opened his mouth, but she interrupted again.

"Don't even try to fight me on this! You've pretty much ruled out every other avenue I could ever go to for protection. I don't have any family, I won't put my friends in danger, Jack is gone, the police are no longer an option, S.H.E.I.L.D. or Hydra or whatever it's called is out of the picture... You're the only one I know of who knows anything about my past. You brought me into this and now you're stuck with me! So don't get any ideas about ditching me somewhere or cutting and running. I'm  _your_ responsibility now, just so we're clear. I want to-- to survive this." They both ignored the way her voice hitched at the end of her speech.

He held his hands up in a defensive pose and quipped, "Alright now, doll. Message received, loud and clear. And just so _you_ know, I've been lookin' out for you longer than you know, and I don't intend to stop anytime soon."

For many reasons, that statement did little to comfort her. She blushed anyway.

"So what do we do next?"

"Next... We wait. This is the safest place for you right now, so you're gonna sit tight. I have to find us a way out of the city." 

"What does that mean? A way out? Where are we going?"

"Don't you wanna know what happened to you? I need to know what happened-- well, what happened to me. I've got some ideas." His metal arm flexed and his eyes darkened. "I know some people who may be able to help us, I need to contact them and we'll go from there."

Penelope had a multitude of questions. _How long will this all take? Do I have to stay here the whole time? Who is going to help us? Where will we go then?_ The look in his eyes prevented any of them from passing her lips. The fact that she had hitched her wagon to this horse in particular still stunned her. She still didn't really trust him. She was the type of girl who could roll with the punches, but the punches had been coming so hard and fast it was a wonder one of them hadn't taken her out. She could feel herself going a bit numb.

What would her future hold? Only last week she had know exactly where she would be days, weeks, and months from then. All that had changed, and now her future lay before her like a blank slate. No matter what happened from here on out, it would be a complete unknown. 

 _Exciting._ The voice at the back of her mind whispered as a thrill rushed down her spine.  _Shush._ She whispered back.

"These people... Who are they? How will they be able to help?"

"The less you know the better. They'll help, that's what matters."

"Are they friends of yours?"

"They're enemies of Hydra."

 _The enemy of my enemy is my friend._ "Am I safe here?"

He got up abruptly, and the relative calm that had fallen over them during their discussion dissipated. He didn't move, just stood, one hand on the pillar he had been leaning against. It was reminiscent of the scene in the kitchen. He breathed heavily, obviously trying to maintain some sort of self control. Penny's back had been pressed up hard against her own pillar since the moment he moved. She watched him warily.

"Safe enough. I'll be back." He said stiffly before turning abruptly and stalking off. Penny let him go. She was no longer surprised by his sudden arrivals and departures, and if she were honest she needed time to process.

 

_***_

 

Two days. It had been two days since the soldier had stormed out, as far as she could tell. Penny had found a small closet along a far wall, and among the various ancient cleaning supplies and shelves of junk she snapped up a pack of playing cards and a digital clock. It was a tiny thing, with only two buttons and a small readout of the time. When she turned it on it blinked 12:00 in bright red. She hadn't bothered to try to set it because she had no idea what the real time was, but It had done a fine job of helping her stay conscious of the passage of time. Almost 40 hours since she had last seen the soldier.

A few hours after he left, and after finding the cards and exhausting herself on Solitaire, Penny had noticed how sore her back was. Her legs ached, and her shoulders were tied up in knots. She was getting antsy, and it was manifesting in her body. She attempted to exhaust herself with yoga, stretching this way and that, working up a sweat to challenge herself. If nothing else, it would give her something to focus her mind on to find some much needed clarity. Yoga to Penny was an exercise of both the mind and body, and having neglected it for the past week, she could feel tension building in both areas.

Whenever the stress grew too great or her mind wandered closer to panic over the last thirty-some hours, she worked to centre her breathing and change her focus.  _Forget that I've been abandoned in this creepy dark basement. Forget that everyone I love is gone. Forget that I'm probably going to die here and no one will ever find me- OKAY, getting dark again, time to focus!_

She didn't know how many times she had gone through the sun salutation series, wasn't sure how many times she had dropped into warrior pose. She could feel her stomach rumbling but it was a distant threat. She had taken care to ration the granola bars and had even attempted to open a couple of the few tins she had found in the kitchen. The baked beans were cold and without utensils she ate them like she was drinking out of the can, but they had kept her energy up and since they weren't expired, she surmised they must have ben left there by the soldier or the space had been vacated by others more recently than she had been led to believe.

It was while she was in a head stand, arms braced on the hard floor and cushioned only by her sweater, that the tell-tale creak of the door swinging open echoed through the room. She dropped out of her pose silently and ducked behind one of the large floor-to-ceiling pillars that dotted the hall. Her adrenaline had spiked and she was breathing shallowly, trying to mask her presence. It could have been the soldier, but the voice in the back of her mind told her he had either been killed, captured, or had simply abandoned her. 

The door slammed shut and there were a few shuffling steps into the room follow by a heavy thud. Penny silently counted backwards from 100, and when no other noises reached her ears by the time she got to 0, she peered carefully around the pillar. In she shadows she could see an unmoving lump on the floor. The shock of long black hair was all the confirmation she needed. Fear ratcheted though her as she ran to him, not for herself but for him. When she was still a couple of feet away she slowed down, inching closer, trying to take stock of his injuries. There was a pool of something dark growing beneath him, and she could see the ruby red glint of it as she neared. Sinking to her knees, she touched his shoulder gently. His flesh hand shot out and gripped her wrist tightly, eyes slitting open. When he saw it was her his grip slipped away weakly.

 "Oh my god. What happened?" He was wearing all black, and that end of the room was quite dark. Still, she could see the wet shine on his midsection and the dried blood on his face and hands.  _Oh my god oh my god oh my god what do I do??_

"Got made..." He gritted out. "Had to shake 'em off." 

"We need to get you to a doctor. This is not good. You're losing a lot of blood." She tried to think rationally. There was no way she would be able to give him the help he needed, and he obviously couldn't help himself.

"No!" His voice was surprisingly strong. "You do it. You have to do it." 

"Do what?!" She waited for his answer but his eyes had slid shut once more and he seemed to have lost consciousness. "Okay, fuck... Um." She looked at the pool of blood beneath him. Where was it coming from? She gingerly peeled his wet shirt up and away, she gasped and his shirt fell back down with a wet smack. His torso was a mess of black and purple, there were long thin abrasions streaking across his body, and a small hole in his side. _Is there a fucking bullet in there_ _?_  He was too heavy to roll over, but she screwed up her courage and felt around his back as gently as she was able. When her fingers brushed a similar hole in his back and he groaned, she sat back onto her heels and thought for a moment.

 _I need something to wrap it with._ Her mind went over the small inventory of items she had found in the space and came up blank, so without hesitation she whipped off her soft grey Ralph Lauren t-shirt and sent a small apology to the fashion gods before setting herself the task of ripping it into wide strips. Using her teeth and brute strength she managed a few rough bandages from it, and set to folding up one of the sleeves and pressing it against the wound. A hiss of breath whistled from between his gritted teeth and his eyes opened again.

"Knew you could do it."

"I barely know what I'm doing, bud, so I wouldn't be so confident if I were you." _I'm only doing what I've seen in the movies... Is this even going to help?_ They sat in silence as she contemplated how best to wrap the wound, and if there were anything to disinfect it with. "How did this happen?"

"Word is out about that cop. Hydra is looking. There was a team of agents nearby. Too near..." His words drifted off for a second. "Had to lure em away. Had to lay low to make sure..." 

"To make sure of what?" She was talking to distract herself, and she hoped it was distracting him as well. She had begun securing the sleeves of her t shirt to both holes of the bullet wound using the long cotton strips, and the last thing she wanted was to hurt him further. "I don't have anything to disinfect this, so it'll have to do."

"'S fine. I've had worse." He chuckled darkly, albeit weakly. "They got the drop on me. Had to make sure I kept them away from you. Then lay low for a while. Couldn't make a move 'til after dark."

"Did you get in touch with your people?"

"Turns out they're not my people anymore." He turned his head away.

"That how they got the drop on you?" She busied herself tying the knot as tight as she dared, skimming her hands along the bandage, flattening out any folds and making sure it was secure.

"Guess so." He was quiet and still as she worked, muscled quivering as her fingers grazed his wounds.

"This shirt is too wet for you to wear comfortably," She said bluntly, "I need to get it off you."

The Winter Soldier grunted in acquiescence. With visible effort he raised his arms up over his head and she slowly began rolling the shirt up his torso.  She grimaced as the soaked shirt squelched between her fingers. Rivulets of bright red slid over ridges of muscle and puddled on the floor beneath him. She awkwardly lifted him at the shoulders and slid it off, leaving fresh red streaks across his face.

"Wait here." She took the remaining cotton strip and ran to the kitchen. The water was slow to heat and every second she was away from him made her more anxious.  _He needs more help than I can give him. Oh god._ Her cheeks flushed with more than just fear as she remembered his words.  _"Had to make sure I kept them away from you."_ He had been injured because of  _her._ He had been protecting her.  _Again_.

When she returned to him to he had one hand resting tightly over the hole in his stomach. His muscled were clenched and his face twisted in a grimace of pain. 

"I need you to hold this for me. Tight."

She dropped the cloth and dropped to her knees. Blood was still flowing sluggishly from his wounds and had soaked through the bandage already. She brought her hands up to replace his, putting gentle pressure on both sides of the bullet hole. She sat next to him, for how long she didn't know. He shivered under her hands, dropping in and out of consciousness. The blood flow slowed and finally stopped, and the soldier drifted into a light sleep. 

Penny busied herself with the long-cold cloth she had brought over, passing it over his face to gently wipe away the streaks of blood and grime, making her way down his throat and chest. Tracing the cloth along the path the drips and drops of blood followed, she took one selfish moment to marvel at his physique, as well as to study  the connection between his shoulder and arm. It was scarred yet seamless. An unexpected pang of tenderness hit her. Whoever he was, whatever he had been through, whatever he had done in the past... He had almost given up his life for her. He might still. Her tenderness was tempered with frustration and fear. 

 _What will I do if he dies?_  Her fears about him not coming back had been mostly kept under control. They were abstract and she could believe whatever she liked when he wasn't around to prove her wrong. But now that he was  _there_ bleeding everywhere and very likely to die, everything was so much more real.

"If you die... Just--  _don't._ "

"This ain't enough to take me out, doll, I'll be good as new real soon, don't you worry." He had awakened while she examined him.

"If you survive this you'll be a very lucky man." She choked out. His left eye had swollen up and was almost forced shut. He was a mess of bruises, cuts and scrapes, and if his bullet wound didn't get infected it would be a god damn miracle. She touched his face gently, brushed the hair out of his eyes.

"Like I said, I've had worse. Never had such a pretty girl to take care of me either."

"Yeah, well..." She flushed, pulling her hand back. He caught it in his hand, thumb stroking the back of hers.

"Thank you." His gaze was intense. His eyes held, unwavering. 

"You're welcome." 

 

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

For a long time, hours, he slept. Over that time Penny had gone from clutching his hand and fervently willing him to heal, to playing a few hundred rounds of solitaire, to lying down and resting her eyes. Unexpectedly, resting her eyes led to sleeping, which led to waking, which led to Penny gaping at the soldier standing nearby. He was chugging the discarded cup of water she had fetched herself while playing cards.

The soldier's makeshift bandages had been torn off and the bloody rags lay in a heap at his feet. The lightest greeny-yellow flush covered his torso and the skin around his left eye. Old-bruise colour. His eye wasn't even swollen. A brownish crust of dried blood stained his midsection, and where the bullet hole had been, there was an angry red welt.

Penny's breath caught in her throat in an aborted gasp. Their eyes met, hers questioning and his brimming with intensity.

"Thank you for helping me."

"How long was I out?" She asked, bewildered.

"When did you fall asleep?"

Penny glanced over at the red lights of her clock. The face read 10:34. She couldn't have been asleep for more than four hours! At her estimate it couldn't have been more than twelve hours since he had returned.

"How are you ok? What the fuck! You were dying!"  _There's no way I slept long enough for anyone to recover from a fucking BULLET!_

The soldier glanced down and he shrugged. "I seem to keep coming back."

Penny gaped.

"You seem to--" 

"It's one of the many things I need answers for." He interrupted defensively, like it wasn't a god-damned miracle he was alive.

She jumped to her feet and, legs still waking up, stumbled up to him, clumsily stopping a little closer than she normally would have. Without his permission or even her own, she reached out and pressed each of her hands against his front and back- palm to wound to wound to palm as she had done to staunch the bleeding. They were burning hot to her touch, a strange energy crackling under her palms and she could only stand it for a few moments before snatching her hands away and stepping back, suddenly self-aware and shy. _Woah._   _Did he feel that, too?_

When she looked up at him there was no expression on his face, his eyes were blank. _Or did I just majorly creep him out..._  He turned away then, and she realized he was searching for his shirt.

"They're drying in the kitchen. Your shirts, I mean. I rinsed out the worst of the- the blood while you were asleep."

He nodded and strode quickly off toward the kitchen. When he returned she could tell the shirt he was wearing was still slightly more than damp. She wasn't going to be the one to point that out, though. He stood against one pillar, only half facing her, and not looking at her at all.

"I was compromised out there, but I didn't have time to figure out who it was before I was ambushed. Two or three of the people I contacted could have easily gotten a message to Hydra, and at least one could lead them here. We'll have to move out in an hour at the latest." Penny's jaw dropped.

"What? I thought you said nobody knew about this place!"

"No, I said Hydra didn't use the facility anymore."

"You said I was safe!"

"You were safe, and now you're not!" He pivoted and stalked off toward the supply closet on the far wall. "Pack everything you brought in with you and everything else you need, we have to go."

Penny stomped into the kitchen.  _What are we doing? Where are we going to go?_ She stuffed the few things she had left laying around into her purse, as well as the playing cards and the soldier's journal.  _Should have read that when I had the chance._ She thought, resentfully. She'd left it on a shelf while he had been gone. It had been a temptation, especially after having waited almost forty hours for his return, but she had felt to continue reading would be an invasion of his privacy. On her first and only perusal of the journal it had reminded her somewhat of the stream-of-conscious writing she had done after her parents had died. It was raw, private, and something you said to a book only because you couldn't say it to another human being.  _He might want it, though._

She slipped the last few squares of toilet paper into the side pocket of her bag, feeling slightly sheepish but remembering the pee dance she had performed days earlier.  _Thou shalt not pee thy pants again in front of any hot-yet-slightly-crazy super soldiers._ She looked around the bathroom, then did one last sweep of the kitchen.

There were a couple of granola bars left that she slipped into her purse, as well as the ibuprofen he had brought her. There still wasn't much in her bag as she took stock of things, but there was nothing left she wanted to bring. The canned food would be no good on the streets of New York- it would be too heavy, anyway.

With nothing left to do she stood in the light of the kitchen, waiting for the soldier to emerge from the closet. When he did, he was laden with a large, over the shoulder duffel bag.  _There's no way that was in there with all that junk!_

"Whatcha got in there?" She quipped. "Broken staplers and half empty bottles of glue?" Those had been some of the most interesting items she had seen in the tiny room.

He shot her an amused glance. "No, guns."

"Hah, yeah right." She scoffed. He set the heavy looking bag on the floor and there was the slight sound of clinking metal. She raised both eyebrows. "Ohhhkayyyyy."  _I've really gotta stop pretending this is some after school special that I can laugh my way out of._ "Where did you get those?"

He ignored her question. "It's dusk. In about ten minutes the sun will be down and it'll be safe to leave. Follow my lead and I'll make sure you get out of here alive." 

"What do you mean? Where will we go?"

"There is no fixed route, I'll be assessing as we go. It's better you don't know what the final destination is in case I... get compromised again." He looked up at her from under a mess of greasy hair, eyes soulful. "The less you know-- the less you can tell Hydra, the better." That shocked her.

The soldier leaned against a pillar and closed his eyes. A few minutes passed in silence, until Penny spoke, a little defensively.

"You know I'd never tell them anything about you, right?"

"They have ways of making you talk. You wouldn't be able to help yourself." He said it quietly, a note of danger in his voice. 

 _They have ways of making you talk??_ It was like dialogue from a second-rate spy film.  _How surreal is my life right now? Ugh. Focus, Penny._ She took a deep breath.

"Ok, I understand. I'll follow your lead."

He looked at her a moment longer, measuring, before bending to pick up his bag. "Let's move out."

 

 

 

***

 

Penny's first steps out into the alley were disorienting. She was struck by the wall of sound that was New York at night. She couldn't believe she had forgotten the wail of sirens, and honk of horns. The deep thumping bass coming from car windows and bars flowed past her ears. The whole city was a warm hum to her. She slowed down to soak it in for just a moment and the soldier was there.

"We have to hurry right now. Remember, follow my lead." She focussed and nodded.

"Follow your lead."

The walked briskly together to the mouth of the alley, and as they reached the street he swung the duffel bag over his body and slung a relaxed arm over her shoulders. She looked up at him, wide-eyed.

"Follow my lead." He said into her ear, and she nodded.

Her first few steps were awkward and stilted, but she took deep breaths and slowly relaxed into his side. She put one arm around his waist and the other agains his ribs, to steady herself a little. She hoped they looked like a normal couple. His tac gear and arm were hidden under a black trench coat, and she was still in the clothes she had put on days ago. They both looked a little worse for wear, but hopefully not so out of place that anyone noticed them.

The trek through the city was different from the one they had taken days ago. They walked at a relaxed pace, meandering through the streets. Occasionally the soldier would point at something in a window and remark on it. Even though her heart was beating a mile a minute and adrenaline was rushing through her body, she somehow responded to each remark, though later she would not be able to remember what was said. They continued this way until the moon had risen high over the city.

Without warning the soldier stopped at a bus station. The bus pulled up abut thirty seconds later and they got on. They rode in silence until the end of the line, and got off. The streets were quieter.

They walked for another hour, until the soldier ushered Penny down an alleyway to a niche in the brick that she could tuck herself into and be completely out of sight. 

"Stay here and wait for me to come back. If I'm not back in ten minutes, get yourself out of New York and keep going."

She nodded mutely and pressed herself deeper into the enclave, and he disappeared down the other end of the alley. Penny reached into her purse and pulled out the small clock.  _Ten minutes._

By the end of four minutes Penny had started to speculate on whether time had slowed down, or if the clock was dying. The wait felt interminable. She was alert to every pair of feet that passed by. Was she imagining the three times a car had slowed down near the mouth of the alley? She hoped so. During minute 6 she heard voices. Two men had stepped into the alley and were quietly discussing something, but by the time the clock clicked over to 7, they were gone.

The soldier returned with a minute to spare. She didn't hear his footsteps until he was very close to her and she had a silent panic attack before he came around the corner and she could see him. She let out a deep breath.

"Come with me."

Penny's body had become stiff with tension, and it took her a moment to relax her muscles and loosen her grip on the clock enough to slip it back in her bag. She followed him to the street. Halfway down the block he stopped in front of a slightly beat-up looking grey nissan maxima. He pulled out a key ring and unlocked the passenger door, holding it open until she ducked in and sat down. He got in, started the car, and pulled confidently away from the curb.

"Did you steal this?" The soldier scoffed.

"What do you think of me? I bought it two days ago and parked it here. Before everything went to hell."

"Uhh, I've seen you kill someone with your bare hands, _and_ saw you recover from a bullet wound in less than a day. Literally anything is possible to me now." 

"Fair point." He quipped back.

They sat in silence for a time, until a thought occurred to Penny.

"Why did you take so long so come back if the car was just parked around the corner?"

"I had to check it for explosives and booby traps. I saw the 'for sale' sign in the window and bought it in cash, so Hydra shouldn't know we have it, but like you said- anything is possible."

"So no-one is looking for us in this?  _Awesome._ " Her shoulders dropped in relief and some of the knots forming in her back released. 

"No, but stay on guard. Keep an eye out for anything or anyone that looks suspicious."

"K." Her stomach grumbled and she started rooting around in her purse. "I'm starving. Do you want a granola bar?"

The hungry look in his eye told her everything she needed to know, so she handed him the one she had unwrapped for herself. He scarfed it down by the time she had the second package open. "Wow. When's the last time you ate?"

The soldier paused. "About 24 hours ago." Penny's eyes went wide and she handed over the second bar. "Here, take this. You need it."

"You should eat." He said reluctantly.

"I have another one in here somewhere, don't even worry about it. We'll have to stock up, though, if we're gonna be driving for a while?" The sentence ended as a question as she realized she still didn't have any clue as to the plan. He took the second bar gratefully, eating more slowly than before. She pulled out the last granola bar as he thought about her question.

She munched on her bar as she stared out the window. Though she was meant to be watching for suspicious activity, her eye was caught more by the well-lit billboards above the street than the goings-on of the street itself.

"... We'll stop somewhere when we get out of-"

"Holy shit! Stop the car! Stop right now!"

"What is it?" The soldier hit the brakes, pulling quickly to the side of the road and looking around, trying to assess the threat.

"Look!" Penny pointed up, staring at a brilliantly lit billboard right in front of them. It was advertising the Smithsonian's touring Captain America exhibit. It was apparently arriving the following week to the American Museum of Natural History. The billboard featured a prominent photo of Captain America, flanked by six men.

"I'm looking. What am I supposed to be seeing?" He was getting agitated. "I really hope we didn't stop to look at an ad for a _museum exhibit._ " 

"Look! Don't you see?" She couldn't believe it. "It's  _you_!" He stared at her incredulously.

"You think I'm Captain America." He said flatly.

"No, you idiot, _on_ _the right!_ " She pointed urgently.

He looked up again. His eyes widened.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Reviews welcome!


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